When “Normal” Isn’t Healthy: How Women Are Taught to Tolerate Pain and Dysfunction
When “Normal” Isn’t Healthy: How Women Are Taught to Tolerate Pain and Dysfunction
(Periods, sex, PMS, bladder issues—where do we draw the line?)
For many women, discomfort is treated as a rite of passage.
Painful periods? That’s just part of being a woman.
Pain during sex? Try to relax—it’s normal.
Mood swings, bloating, fatigue before your period? Everyone gets PMS.
Leaking urine after childbirth or during exercise? That’s expected.
But here’s the truth: common does not mean healthy—and it certainly doesn’t mean something you have to live with.
For generations, women have been taught—explicitly and implicitly—to tolerate pain and dysfunction in their bodies. This normalization has left many suffering silently, delaying care, or believing their symptoms aren’t “bad enough” to deserve attention.
So where do we draw the line?
The Problem With Calling Everything “Normal”
Many conditions affecting women are widespread, which makes them common. But common symptoms are often the result of:
- Hormonal imbalances
- Pelvic floor dysfunction
- Inflammatory conditions
- Musculoskeletal issues
- Nervous system sensitization
When symptoms are brushed off as “normal,” the underlying causes go untreated—sometimes for years.
Being told to tolerate discomfort can lead to:
- Delayed diagnosis
- Worsening symptoms
- Reduced quality of life
- Feeling dismissed or unheard in healthcare settings
Your body is not supposed to be in constant distress.
Periods: Painful Is Common, But Not Normal
Mild cramping or discomfort during menstruation can be typical. However, periods that interfere with daily life are a red flag, not a personal failing.
Symptoms that deserve attention include:
- Severe cramps that require you to miss work or school
- Heavy bleeding (soaking through pads or tampons every 1–2 hours)
- Period pain that worsens over time
- Pain that isn’t relieved by typical pain relief methods
Conditions like endometriosis, adenomyosis, fibroids, and pelvic floor dysfunction are often behind these symptoms—and many go undiagnosed for years.
PMS and Mood Changes: Where’s the Line?
Some emotional and physical changes before a period are common. But PMS should not feel unmanageable.
Seek support if you experience:
- Extreme mood swings, anxiety, or depression before your period
- Symptoms that significantly affect relationships or work
- Physical symptoms like severe bloating, headaches, or fatigue that disrupt daily life
For some women, this may point to PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) or hormonal imbalances that can be treated and managed.
Sex Should Not Be Painful
Painful sex is one of the most normalized—but least talked about—issues in women’s health.
Sex is not supposed to hurt. Ever.
Pain during or after intercourse may be linked to:
- Pelvic floor muscle tension or weakness
- Scar tissue (from childbirth, surgery, or trauma)
- Hormonal changes
- Inflammation or nerve sensitivity
Avoiding intimacy, bracing for pain, or feeling anxious about sex are signs something needs care—not something you need to push through.
Bladder Issues: Leaking Is Not Inevitable
Many women are told that bladder leakage after childbirth or with aging is “just part of life.” While common, urinary symptoms are treatable.
You deserve support if you experience:
- Leaking when you cough, laugh, or exercise
- Urgency or frequent trips to the bathroom
- Difficulty fully emptying your bladder
- Pain or pressure in the pelvic area
Pelvic floor therapy and targeted treatment can significantly improve—or resolve—these symptoms.
Why Women Are Taught to Tolerate So Much
Cultural messaging plays a powerful role. Women are often encouraged to:
- Be strong
- Minimize discomfort
- Put others first
- Avoid being seen as “complaining”
In healthcare, this can translate to symptoms being dismissed, under-investigated, or normalized without proper evaluation.
The result? Women learn to doubt their own bodies.
Rewriting the Narrative: Listening to Your Body
A helpful rule of thumb is this:
If a symptom affects your quality of life, it deserves attention.
You don’t need to compare your pain to someone else’s. You don’t need to wait until it’s unbearable. And you don’t need permission to ask questions or seek care.
You Deserve Better Than “Just Live With It”
Periods, sex, mood changes, and bladder function are fundamental parts of health—not inconveniences to endure.
Advocating for yourself might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’ve been told for years that your symptoms are “normal.” But care exists. Answers exist. And relief is possible.
Your pain is real.
Your experiences matter.
And your body deserves to feel safe, supported, and well.
